Social Media, Identity, Addiction & Is it REAL?

     I made a decision today. I made a decision to delete my Facebook account. Let that statement sink in for a moment. I wanted to delete my Facebook account. How does that sentence make you feel? Have you considered how much of your life is involved in a virtual world, that technically is not real? Or is it? How would you go on without your Facebook account. How would you exist without the constant buzzing of an update or a "Like" of your status or picture of the last meal you consumed? As of 2011, Facebook has over 700 million followers and the users share over 30 billion pieces of content per month. That is a lot of cats flushing toilets.

     I fully admit that I am a social media addict. I love to post nonsense, news stories, tweet them, like them, love the drama that is created by typing 140 characters at a time, that rush we get when people angrily post why you suck for liking Obama or defending George Bush. We have become addicted to our need for an alter ego. Where we can say and do as we please with impunity. We experience freedom. That in itself, is a powerful feeling few really experience outside of social media.

     How did this saga begin you ask? I came to the harsh realization today that I waste a ridiculous amount of time, taking up space, and posting utter nonsense. I am about to start a new job as a vocational counselor and move into my third semester of graduate school. I am studying Rehabilitation Counseling, with an emphasis on substance and alcohol abuse. I spent the better part of the day reorganizing my calendar to see where free time would be and not fall into the trap of last minute cramming. What should have taken less than an hour, took over four. Why? The auto post, pop-up that let's me know someone I know posted something to Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. I had to stop to see what I was missing. 

     The time wasting and realization that I should be doing something productive made me throw out the status that I was deleting the account. I put up my blog email to contact me, if someone actually wanted to speak to me outside the statusphere. What happened next was beyond disturbing. Friends started commenting by asking if I was ok or if this was a cry for help. Within an hour I received over 25 private messages, asking if I was thinking about hurting or killing myself. I received comments and messages of well wishes, hurt, betrayal, and questions of why are you leaving us. I experienced a slurry of emotions that went from confusion to shock. All I did was say I was taking a break from Facebook and offered another way to communicate with me. The reactions were similar to what I have seen with clients when the discussion turns towards abandonment and the need to feel pleasure and/or control. Social media offers that in abundance. 

      So, is your Facebook life real? To many, it is. It is an extension of your physical self. Your friends and family take it as seriously as they do if you were sitting in the room with them. Facebook offers the ability to take everyone you know with you in your pocket where you can speak to them at will. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading articles on social media addiction. A survey conducted in 2011 stated that out of 500 people interviewed, 23% of those surveyed experienced feelings of withdrawal from not being able to access social networking sites. Of that 500, 17.3% experienced relapse when they attempted to stop or cut down on their social media exposure. From this question, it is assumed that the majority of respondents recognized their attempts at reducing social media usage are usually ineffective and described as a failure. By attempting to reduce, they’re recognizing their social media use is a problem. By attempting to use social media less, they feel that their relationships are suffering, and that they need more time to keep them cohesive.

My decision? Alas, I'm not deleting my account. I removed the Facebook Apps from my phone and iPad to remove the temptation. Similarly to how an addict throws away a favorite cigarette lighter or dumps a bottle of whiskey in the kitchen sink. Facebook has become a prevalent way to communicate with, well, everyone. I am taking a break and limiting my time online. I want to go out, see people, and experience real human contact. As well as be more productive in my day. 

You're more than welcome to join me. 

     

You have a voice. Use it.

It's been awhile since I wrote in here. I meant to start a weekly nonsensical rant space for when I needed to vent. Part-time jobs morphed into full-time graduate school and here I am moving into a work study where I counsel individuals with disabilities that also have issues of addiction. All in all, I still see the worst that can happen to a human being. My new vocation is to help them through it while advocating for them in the social, economic, civic, and cultural aspects of their lives. My daily activities lead me to this posting. 

I understand people are outraged by the events of the past week. Zimmerman not guilty, voting rights being jeopardized, laws governing reproductive rights, student loans, domestic spying, you name it. Are you outraged enough to do something about it? Or is it that safe outrage from a desk or cellphone where you can say you're angry from the comfort of social media? 

If you are truly angry at how government and judicial practices are not working the way you believe, then get involved. Join a lobby, start a petition, contact your local politician you support, volunteer with a civil organization, or start your own movement, find people that agree with you that also feel helpless. Use your outrage in a positive way for more than just saying you're fed up and throwing out pointless vitriol. Take that built up anger and make it work for you. Don't be afraid to use your voice. The alternative is to watch laws get passed, decisions made for you, because as an individual, the thought was planted that you couldn't make a difference. Pick a politician or dynamic historical figure, they didn't wake up as a trailblazer or an icon. They started off with an idea, a belief, a spark to hope for something better for themselves and others like them. 

Talk hard, people.

A Catharsis

My first blog.  I never thought I would be doing this. 

I read at least a dozen different types of blogs every week. Let it be personal, political, satirical, I now understand why people write them. Everyone just wants to be heard, to release their many thoughts they have kept bottled up. Its an emotional and almost spiritual release to let out what you have seen or thought during the day. I don't do that enough. I was raised to never speak of real feelings. I was told to keep everything locked inside stemming from the ludicrous reason that it was no one's business. I look at what I do for a living and what I get to see each day. Someone should hear about it. 

I am a bouncer in a few East Village bars in New York City.  It is not as great as it sounds. Some believe that its all about doing shots, looking at scantily clad, drunken coeds, and beating the bejeezus out of someone for doing something stupid. People get the Sam Elliot, Patrick Swayze, rose-colored glasses on and the Roadhouse comparisons start. Its not even remotely that entertaining. I have been doing this for over a decade and the novelty is gone. You become the unofficial host that no one is happy to see. Underage children are taking a crap shoot as to see if their fake IDs are good enough.  That slim hope you won't notice they have their friend's ID. My favorite to date was an alabaster skinned, redhead that produced a hispanic girl's ID and argued that it was her. People that have been to a half dozen other bars, stumbling up to you and pretending they are sober enough to come in. Temporarily, like it or not, you have become the foster parent to an adult turned child that will possibly try to hit you, puke on you, and tell you how much they hate you before the night over. Its Romper Room, but with a coke dealer hiding in the toy box.  

I am privileged to witness the impaired actions of society. You can see someone's true nature in two forms. When they are angry and when they are drunk.  As a bouncer, you get to see both from someone.  You could have the nicest, most generous person you know in a bar. After a dozen Bud Lights and six shots of whiskey, he or she might be trying to beat you senseless over an off handed comment about The Jets. Please don't take me as jaded. Not everyone that drinks becomes THAT person. Its just my job to remove THAT person before it escalates.  Other people become five kinds of hysterical when they drink. You get to see an amazingly, free comedy act. Its similar to law enforcement in that sense. Its 98% boredom, with 2% of excitement. Bouncers stand around all night unnoticed, watching everything you do. 

Its where the title of blog comes in. I am a Professional Witness of Poor Life Decisions. People will perform the most ridiculous actions without considering someone sober has seen it. In the coming days, I'll post what I see. I am looking forward to what others think about it. I hope it brings a good laugh and debate.